The last few days have been...eye opening.
First day here, I tried posting about trauma I experienced in 2023, and didn’t understand why it was rejected.
After hanging back, listening and learning for a few days, I get it now. I’m grateful to the mods for looking out for us and creating this safe space.
I’m finally re-awakening to what I used to know, before negativity weighed me down: Kindness and love are vital. We get to choose what we add our strength to.
All I’ve ever wanted is to help. The method for that has been staring me in the face for a long time and it’s suddenly obvious: If I want to help love win, I have to grow it within myself first.
Wanting to give is a good start, but I have to cultivate those seeds until they’ve grown strong enough to have something good to give.
Lately I’ve been looking through an old dream journal. It’s been illuminating.
This journal had dreams from as far back as 1991. Seems something shifted around 1999-2000 when I was 14/15. I began dreaming of a guardian angel – a beautiful golden-haired lady of love and light.
I was very unhappy in those days. The dreams began to reflect this. There were themes of being harmed; of negative beings I tried to escape but didn’t always succeed. Sometimes the Angel stood in the distance, still full of love but also sadness now. Disappointed almost.
In one dream, two beautiful souls, with nothing but good intentions, isolated me because they didn’t want the negativity spreading. I didn’t hold it against them. I agreed with their decision. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but blame wasn’t the point. They were protecting us as a whole.
After this I had a lot of dreams that, looking back, sound a lot like the visitations people write about here.
First one was about getting on a spaceship with a handful of other humans and ending up on another planet – the beings’ city was like an ancient civilisation of pillars, amphitheatres, grand stone staircases. I don’t know what they were (I’m still learning). The man sitting next to me behaved in a way they considered disrespectful. This angered them and they sent us back to Earth, but mercifully back in time slightly, so we’d have another chance to get it right.
Another dream days later of two beings, about 3 foot tall, with bald heads and orange/brown skin, who agreed to be my Guardians. I couldn’t tell if I’d made a mistake at first, but they helped me fight off some negative energies.
Many other dreams that seem significant, but this isn’t the place for a novel. Lol
I still have a really long way to go.
I need to metabolise the negativity, dilute it, become strong enough internally that I can break it down and replace it with the light and kindness that used to grow here naturally.
I want to be a helper. After many years of tears and frustration, I begin to understand why my ‘help’ wasn’t helping.
I was never bad, but I was unwell in a spiritual sense.
Fear and ego can derail good intentions.
A wise person once said to me, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.
I want to again express gratitude for this forum.
I’d been very lost for a very long time. This place is helping me re-align, cell by cell, into someone who might just have a chance at contributing to the cause of kindness and empathy.
If we want to help and don’t know where to start, start with love. It doesn’t matter how small. It all counts. Every tree was a seed once. Cultivating those seeds, in whatever capacity we can, is how we heal not only ourselves, but contribute to restoring the balance of everything. Every positive seed helps harmony flourish.
Negativity exists and we shouldn’t be blind to it...but neither should we let it blind us to the positive. Maybe wisdom is acknowledging both paths exist, and the one we give our strength to is the one that flourishes.