Hi, 18F, finishing up my first year of university.
I’ve always paced as long as I can remember, I probably started noticing it around when I was 5? It’s like some strange itch, that feels wrong not to scratch. I would guess it’s a sort of stim, maybe. Pacing let’s me clear my mind, but also allows me to be creative, calms me down, but also let’s me get excited about things, distracts me when I’m bored, but also acts as a level-head when I’m overwhelmed. Basically, it’s a “fix-all” for my short-term mental well-being that works extraordinarily well in literally any situation I throw at it.
I’ve tried telling my mother about it, she told me it’s because I spend too much time sitting down and it’s my body’s way of telling me I need to exercise more.
But that can’t be right. I’ll go out on long walks, spend all day working outside, to the point where my feet are blistered and my legs are sore, and I still feel the urge to pace. On these days, I’ll pace even though it’s extremely painful. On a couple occasions, my feet have been covered in blisters on the underside, and I’ve kept pacing.
Most of the time, it’s fine. Manageable. But some days, to be in horrible pain but continue to pace because not pacing feels worse (not exactly painful, but… wrong. I don’t know how to explain it) makes me worried. I’m scared that I’m going to somehow damage my feet or legs if I keep doing this.
I’ve tried distracting myself, trying different stims, waiting it out. Nothing seems to work.
Any advice for dealing with this type of stim? I’m at a loss.