I know my HR ran high, in hoping as I get used to it (I’m a beginner runner) that it lowers overtime. It really didn’t feel like my HR was running as high as it said (I could still talk while running) but proud nonetheless!! What a good rush! It was a treadmill run.
Ive struggled since a young teen, I’ve tried every treatment option imaginable following my early diagnosis. I am grateful to have received one so early on though all it’s done is made me more self aware.
I have trauma from my hospital stays, I recent ED psychiatrist I saw now in my early 20s remarked it appeared like CPTSD due to how reoccurring it was from my early teens up until I was an adult.
My family has never been stable nor crazy supportive. My mom did her best, but she displays narcissistic tendencies and my father is abusive towards her. He also SAed me as a child and she still prioritized him over any of my siblings or me.
I have went little to no contact with both of my parents. They are the only family I really have besides my younger siblings. I’m struggling so much again, I feel unable to pull myself out. I don’t really see a life for myself beyond this struggle and my other struggles. I know it’s my responsibility, I’m just so tired. The lack of support makes it feel near impossible to do it alone.
I feel incredibly lonely, it feels like the ED is all I have left for myself. I know I’m only in my early twenties but I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime. I’m tired, I don’t know what to do or where to turn to.
I just want this to overtake my body sooner rather than later. I just want it all to end. I don’t see myself recovering.
I know this is depressing and I apologize. I’m just so done with life.
So glad I got it!! How’s everyone else doing ??