u/-Tali

I've been on 10mg Lexapro for about 3 years now due to agoraphobia. At the beginning of the year I started having chronic health issues that are leaving the doctors stumped. My life is falling apart due to my physical health and last week I think my mental health house of cards just fell to pieces. I very suddenly started having extreme existential dread, thoughts like "nothing in my life matters anymore" and with it suicidial ideations, not seeing the point in living when there's no point to living. All these intrusive thoughts hit me like a train wreck. My psychiatrist upped my dosage to 15mg and I'm planning a clinic stay soon but I just want to know if there are people out there who had similar intrusive thoughts and sudden loss of meaning and whether they got through it and whether it will get better or not.

Here's a little bit of a background story. In late 2020 I started getting sudden bouts of extreme nausea. No doctor could figure out what it was, all my labs came back perfect, I was sent to a psychosomatic clinic where they told me that the somatic component wasn't really ruled out, yet my doctors refused to do more than a basic blood test saying stuff like "21yr old people don't get gastroscopies". In 2024 I first started getting episodes of extreme exhaustion to a point where I couldn't even leave my bed. Once again I was told this was psychosomatic or ME/CFS since I had been ill a lot that winter. Now it's 2026 and the exhaustion has returned combined with extreme digestive issues (reflux, nausea, bloating, cramps, diarrhea, the full spectrum). I've been having these symptoms for 5 months now and once again everything seems in perfect health except I am very much not feeling healthy at all. My life is falling apart, I am barely able to work, I can't see my friends anymore, I can't plan anything because I never know when I will be hit with symptoms.

My GP first brought up the idea of celiac disease a few months ago. Obviously I'm not qualified to diagnose myself but the combination of perfect labs, my extreme symptoms and the exhaustion combined with brain fog and dizziness fits so well. We ran a antibody blood test which came back negative. Now after months of fighting I finally have an appointment for a colo and gastroscopy to confirm or rule out celiac disease. The problem is that this gastroscopy is in 5-6 weeks and I've been going gluten free for two weeks now because I HAVE to do something to feel like I'm in control of my life.

I've read several times that you're not supposed go gluten free before the gastroscopy but the thought of (potentially) consciously and intentionally poisoning myself scares the hell out of me and I don't know what to do. I'm just too scared that this test won't find anything again and I'll just be stuck suffering for the rest of my life with doctors telling me it's IBS or psychosomatic and just shrugging and sending me home.