Today's my birthday and it feels so weird and lonely without my grandma who raised me since I was 5. She was the only parental figure in my life and it feels so strange not having my biggest support and cheerleader gone.
Didn't even do anything special today. Just didn't feel right without her. Does this feeling ever go away?
I am someone who tends to become lucid quite often in my dreams, as I tend to clock anything that's weird very quickly. Despite that, about 90% of the time I'm so invested in what was happening in my dream's plotline that I find myself just going with the flow and seeing where the story is going, cause I want to know what was about to happen.
I do tend to behave more in mind with the idea that there are no real stakes so may make choices I wouldn't make if I didn't know it was a dream like steal a car or teleport to where I want to go next instead of the usually transitional part of the dream where I have to manually go from one place to the other. Sometimes it even feels like I'm playing out a role, like I'm an actor playing a part in a play that the actor doesn't exactly know what direction it's going in since I'm giving the direction of the play over to my sub-conscience.
It's rare that I can convince myself to just abandon whatever was going on in the dream unless it's something unpleasant or scary, even though I'd like to, so I can explore more all that I'm capable of. It seems hard to convince myself at the time that the dream is happening that straying off track would be more interesting than seeing the dream through.
Does anyone else have this problem and is there some method of fixing it? I don't really know much about lucid dream techniques because I've always just sort of had a sort of natural inclination towards it even as a child, so I thought there might be some stuff there that could be used towards getting less invested in my dream's narrative.