(Apologies for length)
So for context, my boyfriend (now husband) got this cat (Milo) when he was a kitten from the shelter when we were dating. We werent living together at this point, but still seriously dating. It was absolutely an impulse purchase, saw him at the shelter, he fell in love, I had to force him out of the shelter and told him to at LEAST sleep on it. He woke me up the next day and basically said they open in 30 mins let’s go I want the cat. He brought him home, all was fine and dandy. Went back to my own place. A week later, he said he had a TDY (he’s military) and he wanted me to watch the cat. Did so out of kindness and obligation. Milo was a kitten so he’s run around for 30 mins and then pass out, rinse repeat. He’d scratch me trying to crawl up my legs. Hated that but knew it’d go away with time and teaching. Boyfriend came back from TDY, and because I basically had all my stuff there from apartment/cat sitting, I just moved in. However, I noticed some mildly concerning things over the course of living together. Boyfriend LOVED this cat (not the concerning part) but he’d basically train him to have naughty behaviors, meowing at all hours of the day for no reason, feet and hands became play things, scratching furniture was okay, and being held was NOT okay (he didn’t know how to hold a cat and so the cat became very uncomfortable with the idea of being held from a young age). I tried to educate boyfriend that this is not okay and these behaviors won’t be so cute when he’s full grown. I get ignored. I also kind of blow it off because this is just my reality now.
Fast forward, my husband and I get married, we move into a much bigger house. We have a backyard now, I mention wanting a dog. We go to the shelter, find a dog that has RAVING reviews on its kennel about how great and house trained it is, perfect. We play with him for a little at the meet and greet. All is well, we wait a week just to sit on it. Go to the shelter and bring him home. Well, after 5 days of having said dog, it mauls me. Three of my limbs are just covered in scars and the emotional damage is immense. (I have been and am continuing therapy for this.) I now fear dogs so badly I didn’t leave the house for months after the initial incident. Any sort of cut or pain along my arms or legs triggers an immediate PTSD episode.
Here’s where the issue comes into play and where I need advice. Milo, again, thinks hands and feet and legs are play things. He “hunts” me when I’m just walking around my house and will bite and claw at my legs leaving scratches and little puncture marks on my calves. Or if I’m laying in bed on my phone, he’ll pounce on me and wrap his whole body around my arm and won’t let go until I physically pull him off me. Afterwards is 45+ mins of screaming and crying and being right back at the dog attack. It’s delaying my recovery getting over the attack. Any hallway I walk down I have to crane my neck over my shoulder to make sure he’s not chasing me. It’s so bad I now do this going down ANY hallway, in public, at someone else’s home, etc. and have to explain its muscle memory from my neurotic cat. My husband works CONSTANTLY so even though I tell him he needs to play with the cat or enrich him so this might stop, he really can’t. I’m the one home with the cat all day. And the odd thing is, the cat LOVEESSSS me, he wants me to pet him constantly, will nudge my phone out of my hand, loaf on my stomach, try to sleep by me, lay in my lap, meows if I dare go to the bathroom. He adores me. And admittedly, I love him too, but I do not like him. I’ve grown attached to him and I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad cat, I just don’t think he gets the love and attention he needs because I’m too scared and my husband isn’t home. Husband and I have talked about surrendering him but it hurts to think about. I don’t want my husband to resent me because he has to give up his cat because I can’t be in the same house as him. At the same time, my anxiety is CONSTANTLY through the damn roof because of this cat. I physically cannot relax. I have to sleep in a separate room than my husband so I can close and lock the door so the cat won’t jump on me in the middle of the night and make me panic again. I felt more peace when we were moving and he had to stay at my parents while we were packing the house. The stress of moving was better than a calm normal day living with this cat.
What do I do? My husband SAYS he wants to get rid of him but what if he doesn’t? What if he feels obligated to do so because I’m miserable? What if Milo misses us? What if the next family or owners are awful to him or something? But he’s also not happy here and I can tell. I’m caught in the middle. I’ve even told my husband I’ve admittedly thought about leaving him because the stress of the cat and whether or not to remove him is too much. I’m the only one stressed about it, I should be the one leaving. I don’t hate animals or wish harm on anyone or anything. I just don’t want to live the next 20 years in fear. Milo just turned 4 and his behavior isn’t letting up at all. I’ve been told COUNTLESS times “just wait for him to get older and he’ll calm down”. Meanwhile I see 15 year old cats doing the same thing and being just as spry as they were at 2. I don’t want to wait. I’ve been waiting. My fear of him is getting worse. It’s been 3 years of constant torture from this cat.
Help me!