Is getting angry over "trivial" things a privilege?
I got into an argument with my mother a few days ago.
The issue is that I have a cosmetic health condition - hair loss, and I've been trying to figure it out for years.
I have a lot of doctors in my immediate family, and my mom is close to one of them.
This relative has been a huge source of support to my mom throughout their relationship, and she is in general a very giving person. She has her flaws but overall, I would not categorise her as evil, just severely misguided at times.
I'm nearly 30, but when I was in my teens, I was going through a hard time. I had s*lf h@rming ideas, and I spoke to my mom, because who else would I speak to?
My mom was super concerned and told this to my relative. That relative called me aside shortly after and screamed at me about stressing my mom out, and how dare I tell her these things.
I was a really lost teenager who didn't know what she was doing in life, and so I asked this relative what I should do if I had these thoughts.
They told me "do whatever you want but don't bother your mother".
It was the most crushing feeling, being told to fuck off like that. My teenage brain interpreted that as permission to do the worst things I felt like doing, because no one could be bothered to care about me that much.
This was years ago.
Things are much better now, I'm doing better, and I have a decent relationship with this doctor and my mom.
The issue is that outside of that doctor's area of expertise, I do not trust them to give me unbiased advice, medical or otherwise.
I have deep wounds from that period in my life, and I'll never forget that relative and my mom and dad taking me too an exorcist when I specifically said I needed therapy.
Recently, I was consulting with a dermatologist about my hair, and I told my mom about the developments.
She went and told this relative pretty much everything that was going on.
When she casually told me to expect a call from that relative, I was shocked, especially considering we had discussed years ago not to share sensitive medical info with this doctor without explicit consent from anyone involved.
The argument began here - when I expressed my disappointment, anger, and fear at what she had done.
It took a few days, but my mom finally apologized when I explained to her again and again how badly this had affected me.
The thing is - even though she's apologized, I can't shake this fear and discomfort I feel at the thought of sharing any medical info with my mom.
She promised not to share things with that relative, but my brain doesn't believe her. She was being sincere, I think, but it's really hard for me.
This has affected our relationship in general. I find it hard to interact with her.
Is it a privilege to get upset or be at odds with her over something some might consider very trivial?
She says there's nothing more she can do, that she's apologized already.
Why am I struggling to move on? I would really appreciate any insights into dealing with this.